WHEREAS the leadership of the United States have chosen to impose import tariffs on goods from Heard Island and McDonald Islands;

WHEREAS Heard Island and McDonald Islands are not only uninhabited by humans, but are in fact a protected World Heritage site;

WHEREAS, in the absence of human occupation, the primary inhabitants of Heard Island and McDonald Islands are penguins;

THEREFORE, the penguins of Heard Island and McDonald Islands have prepared this official diplomatic response to the United States’ tariff:

Please kindly fuck all the way off.

— The Penguin Government